Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Purim is fun - jealous, gentiles?

Lousy purim, take me out of the blogging game for two more days. But I had to drink, what could I do? It's the one day all year where being Jewish isn't a...what's the word? The bird. Not vulture...albatross! That's the word I'm looking for. So you've got to show your support.

For those who aren't aware, purim is a Jewish holiday that took place this week to commemorate the victory by the Jews against Haman's plans to kill them. Basically, Haman convinced King Ahasuerus to sign an edict that the Jews should be killed. Those crafty Jews would have none of that, and Mordechai and Esther worked to petition the king to change his mind. He got angry at Haman and had him killed instead. There was, however, the problem that the decree had already been signed, and, lo and behold! An edict sent out with the king's seal cannot be rescinded! So what the king did instead was send out another edict that authorized the Jews to defend themselves against their attackers.

Now then. I've never understood two things. One, why could the edict not be rescinded? It's like when you're dealing with some customer service guy someplace who can't help you because "that's store policy," when there's really no good reason to abide by the policy. But alas, "sorry sir, that's our policy." But why? "Well that's our policy you see." Now, the customer service guy is afraid his boss will find out that he didn't "follow the policy," but what was Ahasureus' excuse? He's the king! Who's above him that he's afraid of? "Sorry, can't rescind an edict; kingdom policy." Makes no sense.

Two, what kind of concession is it to issue an edict allowing the Jews to defend themselves? Say some knife wielding anti-Semite is coming to kill you and your family. Are you going to sit around lamenting, "Oh, woe is us. If only the king had given us permission to defend ourselves from the knife wielding maniacs. Ah well, my hands are tied. Commence killing me." Seems to me that maybe Mordechai and Esther got a lousy deal there. Should have jewed the king down more to get a better 2nd edict.

Anyway, purim is a very merry holiday, with the requesite drinking. The custom is to be drunk until you "don't know the difference between the blessing of Mordechai and the curse of Haman." Now this is a tough one. I got damn drunk last night. I could still keep a simple one sentence phrase straight. Just how much alcohol can one humanly consume in order to fulfill this? I think a more reasonable thing would be to get drunk enough that you don't know the difference beween urinating in a toilet and urinating in a mug. Or the difference between thinking "man, look at that girl's rack" and saying loudly, "HEY GUYS, LOOK AT THAT GIRL'S RACK!!!" These are levels of drunkennes I feel I can get to.

Ah, drukenness. Nothing more thrilling than waking up the next morning, trying to reconstruct the previous night's events, and thinking "oh boy, what am I going to find out I did last night?" It's like a good movie, keeps you in suspense, and who knows how it will turn out. In my case, the answer to that usually is, "with embarassment."

But you know what I hate? Those bastard friends who get really drunk with you and while you're trying to figure out just what happened and what you said the previous night, they declare, "Oh yeah I remember everything." Well goody for you, you obnoxious prick. They act like they've won a gold medal in the memory olympics or something, all proud and smug. These are the same people who open the conversation with something like, "Well YOU sure had a good time last night." Yes, yes I did. That's the point of drinking, fuckwad. To have a good time. If drinking caused me to have a bad time, I would refrain from doing so. And they then proceed to fill you in on what you don't remember but they, with their superhuman memories, have no trouble recounting for you. Fabulous. Your mother should be very proud.

Why is ESPN not showing every WBC game? Nobody has ESPN Deportes. If you're going to pretend this thing is a big deal, televise the thing. They televise all sorts of crap nobody watches - they even show some hockey playoff thing in the middle of June. Why not every game of the WBC? I know, I know - the interest in the US is not the focus, but still, make the games available.


Blogger Richard Niman said...

Hey Eric B (and Rakim)... I just wanted to give you some love for this blog... I came across it cuz I got one of my own (not that I'm trying to pimp it or anything).. yours is easily funnier than ours... but I think you might enjoy it... peep it at:

P.S. Beltran ruined my summer last year.

11:55 AM  
Blogger Brian said...

Gentiles have Mardi Gras. Yet another holiday that involves shouting about various girls' racks. What is it about the end of winter and start of spring that makes us monotheists eat, drink, and be merry? I'll tell you: we're all pagans deep down inside.

11:46 AM  

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