Saturday, March 11, 2006

Isn't Pedro Precious?

Pedro threw 81 pitches off a mound Saturday. Injured superstars are like infants. Everybody gathers around to ooh and ahh over every little thing. "Pedro threw off a mound today, and then he put his whole fist in his mouth! It was adorable!" Don't get me wrong, I'll make a fuss with the rest of them. I've paid $27 for my opening day ticket, and those aren't Tom Glavine prices.

$27 for a seat in row quadruple Z or whatever the hell it is is a little nuts. Of course, $27 isn't the face value of the ticket. Included in that prices is something like a $1 internet charge fee and a $4 convenience fee. Convenience fee. Actually, I'd find it more convenient to pay less money for the ticket. If they're going to charge those extra dollars, at least don't insult my intelligence by calling it a convenience fee. "You're under arrest. No, those aren't handcuffs. They're freedom shackles."

It's just like with the fun size candy bars. You know what I'm talking about? The ones that are the smallest they sell? Like the bite size. Just what the hell is fun about that? Fun size should be those novelty bars they sell at Hershey Park, like the hershey kiss the size of my head. Now that's fun. Sinister candy bar manufacturers. Let's get Michael Moore on this. I'll bet he'll discover all this tricky nomenclature has something to do with the Bush administration and Saudi oil money. You just know Haliburton is involved here.

I fucking hate Michael Moore.

So anyway, Pedro threw 81, but there's a long way to go there. He hasn't faced live batters yet, which, the last time I checked my version of the Major League Baseball rule book, happens during a real game. Plus, 81 pitches isn't going to cut it. Unless Willie wants to make it a habit of needlessly taking him out of games in the 5th inning after having thrown 50 pitches only to let the Nationals rally to tie the game from 8 runs down thereby making me so angry I curse for ten minutes and nearly break everything in my room and have Chris Woodward have to win it with a single in the 11th to save face but I'll still be so tense all night long from that stupid blown lead that I'll nearly drive my car off the road anyway. I don't think that's a good strategy. So, to sum up, Pedro needs to be able to throw more than 81 pitches.


Anonymous Ander said...

on a related note, anyone else bothered by the Mets having a 6-game Pedro Pack ticket plan? I'd definitely be interested if that meant I go to 6 games Pedro is pitching, a Pedro game is at least twice as good as any other game. But that's not what the pack is, instead its for games like Pedro bobblehead day, merengue night, hispanic night. Why is it OK for hispanic night to be part of the "pedro pack", but I'm racist for pointing out Minaya seeks out Hispanic players?
The other stupid pack is the All-Star 6 Game Pack - come see the Mets take on teams with players who made the All Star game!!! Umm, you see, the way it works in baseball is that every team is represented in the All Star game. So this just means you're seeing the Mets play a team that is in Major League Baseball (though I guess it's true that some teams may not have their players who were on the All Star team last year anymore).

1:07 PM  
Blogger The Good Reverend said...

TV Nation was pretty good.

7:37 AM  
Anonymous Jesse said...

this might be your best post yet. keep up the good work.

12:38 PM  

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